Me & Him Pt 2

I thought about it and have racked my brain... I didn't care at this point what about the negative side of us.. I should've know better staying away from him should've been the plan from jump.Being single of this long and having someone that you trust and have known for all these years is standing right in front of me and saying I'm here I have had these feelings for you since high school, Ive watched you with your ex and wanted you then as well. So in my mind I'm thinking I don't wanna ruin the friendship, but then that one night changed it all, things started to happen feelings came that I never had for him in that light. Then we started spending more time and the feeling grew a little, to a point that made me think maybe he could be the man in my life. Then here comes the problems. As soon as he has got me to where he wanted me to be for all this time he starts to back away. Like WTF this is why I don't wanna fuck with anybody guys say and pretend like they care and wanna be there but when it comes to anything emotional shit changes. It's all my fault I shoud've never even attempt to even act on any type of feelings. A black heart is what I want its better that way life is better that way so that I'm not going through shit like this. Plus I have a idea for a new tat =). But throwing the chains on the heart a little tighter this time. So there is no me & him. Moving On!

=* (S.W.A.K.)

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Staying Single

Okay so being single for a year has not phased me at all. But looking at these dudes out here now, I feel like I will be single for a lot longer. These guys out here are funny I don't have these super high standards but damn. Clean funny outgoing smart, have something legal going for themselves and attractive. I mean there's more but that's the base, I'm not asking for dude to be Trey Songz fine but damn I don't want a foot. Idc about race or color light or dark or in the middle. Damn! I feel like all the unattractive men of the world like me smh, cool to have them as friends,but not as my man, and then they act so desperate ughhh its annoying.So I'm cool being single..If anybody I find attractive or worth talking to the just want sex or situations are complicated to where nothing can grow, so I'm, back to square one.Also listening to friends go through the issues they do in a relationship and how they settle for less because they feelings are involved give me another reason to stay single. Yes I do get lonely sometimes.But looking back on everything in the last 3 years of my life I'm more happy single then trying to force myself to change for a relationship or settling for less. Once a guy comes into my life that's ready to get on that road to a relationship then I'll give it a chance.But for now I'm better off single.=* (S.W.A.K)

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Me and "Him"

Horoscope from the other day

You could have stars in your eyes today, tempting you to reach beyond your normal limits. On one hand, this can lead to something wonderful as you take an opportunity you might otherwise pass by. But on the other hand, you could upset the security that you've worked to achieve by gambling your future on a risky venture. There's no simple answer to the choice you must make, so consider all options carefully before saying yes. -(Via Twittascope)

UMMM.. makes me wonder I haven't been thinking or paying attention to my horoscope cause most of the time it be bullshit...but this made me think of him.. do I really wanna gamble what we have to POSSIBLY have something with him. I care about what we have and what we have built over the years..I kno how he is and I definitely kno how I am so hmmmm.. Right now I feel like backin away.. not getting my feeling attached to him n that light.... For some reason I stopped lookin at him as a friend and looked at him as a potential boyfriend. That scares me cause it confusing, when he starts to act like a damn dummy I want to jus stay n the friend zone and back off and lock off my feelings like i have been doin for the past year..but then when we are around each other its like we have been dating for mad long and it doesnt seem weird it jus naturally happens.. stuck btwn a rock and hard place on this one. ughh why me why ?? Sometimes I do think am I jus forcing myself to diqq him more than normal.. but since I havent been looking at him as a friend I cant say that I have been forcing myself.. Idk mane .....I just let it flow I dont try to force or push anything.. but the way things been goin im confused as ever..Like now its like he dont look at me as a friend and be able to talk to me when something is wrong ... dont get it twisted I love our friendship and I dont want that to change I want us to be able to still do all the things we do as friends then.. now .. idk sometimes I rather just back out of this and jus stay n the friend zone and keep the heart on lock I dont think its time to unlock it yet.. I feel its been locked up this long why let out of the cage now and break it again... idk lets see how this goes... I keep u posted =* (S.W.A.K)

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umm 2day 4|4|10

Up early..haven't slept.. so . Song: Hello Good Morning Dirty Money Ft (the husband) T.I. I need a new job ASAP.. The time has come that I need to move on to something more stable.. So I'm taking my ass to a job placement place..I'm looking for that real money that silly money that goofy money lol .. Also I'm giving myself the kick in the ass to lose weight.. No Im not the fattest girl on the planet, I dont give a f*ck about what people think of how I look, it's more for health reasons.. I wanna be as healthy as I possibly could =) yay me for caring about me LOL. Anyway about to eat breakfast and then start getting ready for my day...=* (S.W.A.K) Tweet This

Take Your Mask Off (1st written 3|30)

What's the difference between a guy that wants to becareful of your feelings, and one that doesn't, when the goal is jus sex?

the guy that doesnt care is straight honest and to the point and you can choose of you want to mess around with dude or not.

the guy that tries to be careful of your feelings doesn't do anything but hurt your feelings in the end.

You already wrapped up and then your feelings end-up getting hurt no matter how hard u try to fight it

What is LOVE?? does that shit even exsit. People try hard to say they are in love but doesn't know the first thing about it .

See me I ve had the boyfriend that you gave your all too and he crushed it like a bug, and I ve had they guy that tries to care about me and how i feel

and Now I'm stuck in fuck-land, EVERY GUY in my life at this point jus wants to just have sex. From "bestfriends" to the regular guys on the street.

I rather be alone. why waste my time with these people, all they going to do is have sex with me and leave me unsatistfied, and feeling empty. So I rather

stick with a toy, at least I know what the toy is for.I'm really anti-guys right now.There is only one guy caputures my interest but lives in another state

and lets be real that will never work unless I move or He moves (At this point I wouldnt have a problem doing that!).The sucky'st (my word) part of this

is I CANNOT FIND A SONG THAT DESCRIBES MY MOOD, I was always find a song that helps me cope with whatever I'm going thru (exhales)..To some it made seem like

I'm over reacting but IDC IT'S HOW I FEEL, if anybody ever happens to read this, I personally dont care for comments its just getting it off my chest instead of

going my friends that can either make it feel better for the moment, not give a fuck. So I rather write .... =* (S.W.A.K)

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